Confession: I want to buy a Christmas cake. There is one in Marks and Spencer that I am dying for. I go in just to look at it. It is October, and the stores have been selling Christmas-y foods for the past three weeks. Normally, I would scoff and say, "I can't believe that they are already selling Christmas things! That makes me sick!," but since I've been here, it has felt like Christmas. I don't know. I can't explain it.
A nice red-headed man named Gavin opened a bank account for me today. I almost didn't think that it was going to happen. Ever. And it gets better! I now have ... a library card! Ta Da! There was a warm glow in my soul when the librarian handed it to me. Today was a good day for sure. And on Monday, I can withdraw money, which I will then recklessly spend on all of the things that I have been looking at and wanting to buy for the past five weeks. And also groceries.
I am taking a weekend trip all by myself. I am excited, but I am also afraid that I am going to be terribly lonely and feel really lame, because it will just be me. And people seem to think that people by themselves are lonely and pitiful, and I don't want to make this thought true. I am going to Portstewart for two nights, so that I can finally see the Giant's Causeway and Dunluce Castle and the Old Bushmills Distillery (where they make whiskey. With an "e"). But, I am a strong, independent woman! I am not sad and pathetic! I am great! Yes, that is what I will tell myself.
This solo weekend trip is a test run for me, to make sure that I can travel by myself. My flight back home leaves on the 21st of December, which gives me a week or so after my classes are done in which to go around and do whatever I want. I had big plans for this week; I was going to fly to Paris and eat in a super-fancy restaurant and wander along the Seine and drink exceptionally good hot-chocolate. I really was. But now that I'm here, that sounds a lot harder than it did when I was at home in Portland, surrounded by people that actually know me and enjoy my presence. People that I have history with. So, if anyone feels like flying to Ireland mid-December and travelling around Scotland/England/Wherever-the-heck-we-want, just give me a call.
But if no one wants to (or doesn't have an extra thousand-or-so dollars laying around), it's okay. I understand. Just putting it out there.
Dear MK,
ReplyDeleteI would totally love to go to Paris and travel around random places with you! Unfortunately I do not have the extra money laying around... lame.
I am so glad you got a library card and they finally let you open a bank account!!! woohoo!!! People who travel by themselves, enjoy plays by themselves, and eat by themselves are awesome and more independent than other people! So hurray for you!
Love,
EL
paragraph #3 seems to be copied word-for-word from one of my journals. i went to edinburgh for two nights by myself and loved it and felt lonely and sad and then fully embraced the fact that a coffee house was my favorite place in the entire city and it was ok to admit that. also, i hiked around a big wild hill and felt strong and Scottish. so, there was that. embrace the lonely, megan. and then sit and see how strangely beautiful it is to be happy with and by yourself.
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